This week has been rather difficult in our household. My husband had to leave his company because they weren’t making the money needed to pay their employees, so rather than sticking around, my husband made the smart move and went to find another job. He has one now, but can’t start until Monday. All the while waiting, I have noticed his fears and his worries playing out in the midst of all of this craziness. In addition to that, we are having a huge yard sale this weekend! My husband has been working his tail off trying to find computers to fix for friends and family and other odd jobs to get us through the week. He’s been making himself crazy, and it has begun to wear on the rest of us.
We were in a little tiff yesterday that pretty much blew out of proportion for two reasons: (1) I didn’t like his tone and I got defensive, and (2) there was a much, much deeper insecurity causing his momentary lapse in judgement during our argument. Both of those things together, along with us both being rather stressed, had caused a bigger than needed argument between us.
So I was wrong on those counts, and that I am working on with God, but what I would like to address is the sense I had that my husband was feeling badly about something. When it all came down to it, he admitted he was feeling unappreciated. At first he put that on me, but in the end, it was him feeling unappreciated by himself. He was having a hard time at the moment working out his role as a husband and father to provide for his family.
One thing I have learned is that a big argument is always caused by something much deeper than what has come out on the surface, and in this case, this can cause a lot of strife. Next thing you know, the person feeling the deep insecurity is saying something to take the heat off of them and the other person will spiral things based on their own insecurities! It happens everywhere, in marriages, friendships, and even relationships with your children and friends!
Now this is not the first instance in which I have seen this type of guilt, and not in my husband either. There are so many men out there today struggling to provide for their family. It often results in a loss of pride and it can drive wedges in marriages and home life because of that insecurity.
My initial reaction to hearing about my husbands insecurity was to hold back a giggle. Why? Because I see him every day busting his butt! I never in a million years would consider my husband lazy, unable to provide, or inadequate, and I show him daily.
So what would you do or say if this was your husband? I remember feeling inadequate once…. back when I was told I couldn’t have a child…. it is the one thing women are supposed to be able to do right? If present me could talk to past me, I would tell her that it is OK!!! You just need to get right with God and your husband and everything will fall into place. When you feel that insecurity though, it’s not that easy to just “get things right”. So what did I do for my husband? I knew that nothing I would say would help him feel any better. He knew I appreciated him, he knew I do everything I do for him. Nothing was left to do, but to pray. In that sense, I was dealing with my own insecurity as well! I knew there was nothing I could do to make things better, except to pray! Turns out, that was the best thing I COULD do!
So you have insecurity or are dealing with someone who has a deep-seated issue with themselves what do you do?
Pray!!!! Get in the word, and take it to God. I know that this answer seems like “oh how is that going to work…. ” I’ll tell you why…. because once you come to the end of yourself and realize that you cannot do something, even something you are supposed to be able to do, God is the only one who can help you actually do it. Believe it or not, he’s been waiting his whole life for you to ask!!!!!
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
I am proud to say that my husband didn’t take long to draw that conclusion, and I am also proud to say he is still doing whatever it takes for him to provide as he allows God to put him in the right places with the right people at the right time! I am so proud of my husband!
I pray that all of you who read this will do the same in those times in your life where you are not feeling adequate. God will equip you and assist you if you only let him, because lets face it: WE CANNOT DO IT ALONE!!!! We were not made to be alone! Even the BIRDS don’t do it all alone!!!!
Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!
Let him take up your yoke when you can’t face the world, let him wash away your sins, your pain, and your insecurity. The lord will provide!!!!!
We are merely human! HE is all-powerful!!!
My prayer for you today is that you will never be alone! That you will walk in the lord your entire life so that he may be your strength when you feel weak, that he may catch you when you fall and lift you up so that you will not strike your foot on a stone. I pray that you will deal with your daily struggles in the confidence that the lord has his hands on you and you will be blessed throughout your days as you live in him and trust in him. In Jesus name, amen!
- Why Your Husband May Not Immediately Do What You Want Him to Do (peacefulwife.com)
- Breaking Free from Insecurity (derekandjulie.org)
- How to Uproot Insecurity in Your Life (youaretheoneiwant.com)
- Why Are We Insecure? The Key to Confidence (youaretheoneiwant.com)
- The Voice in His Head – From the Archives (peacefulwife.com)