This week has been a very difficult week to be me. I cant say that there is anything out of the ordinary physically that I am fighting this week, I will say that it is all in my head. Something I have struggled with since the night I was saved is my ability to get very easily rattled by things. They can be small, and they can be big, but my reaction goes way beyond the normal! I am a woman! What do you expect?
Well I expect better. As a christian, though I am also human and bound to make mistakes. I am called to make my mistakes and learn from them as to not make them again.
Fear is an emotion that is beyond difficult to control. I have come to a place now where I have been getting much better at giving my thoughts and pains to God. My fears are often silly so giving them to God was a lot easier. Now, however, I have been dealing with fears much greater than those I have grown accustomed to. I am fighting that emotion and how I act with everything I got. It just seems to get worse and worse.
Well today I received the obvious answer… or better yet “question”…. WHY?! WHY DO YOU FEAR?!
It was resounding, it was powerful, and it was strong. I was on the way home from a heart to heart talk with my sister about this very thing, and it didn’t hit me until I was halfway home and my toddler was screaming bloody murder in the back seat. My heart began to weep, and then my face eventually did too….
Then I remembered in full clarity a verse(s) that my grandmother drilled into me as a young child:
91 He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.”
3 Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler[a]
And from the perilous pestilence.
4 He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
5 You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
6 Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
8 Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
10 No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
11 For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
12 In their hands they shall bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
13 You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
14 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
15 He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.”
I cannot explain how strong, in that very moment, the holy spirit shook in me. I couldn’t stop crying, my heart was finally filled with peace that transcended all understanding…. and I was free. I won the battle when I stopped trying to fight, and I handed my helmet to the lord. He took up my sword and landed the final blow on my fear.
I was free.
This is why I needed God, I needed his word, and his peace. I would have made myself crazy, paranoid, and anxious. I was in too deep in my head and It just wouldnt stop. Though I had read my verses, I had prayed my prayers, I hadnt really given my fear to him. I did not trust him, I just was afraid. Its ok that I was afraid, but when it weakens my faith, there is a major problem. I was disappointed and weeping in that moment because I was letting my strong faith come tumbling down before then.
Thank you lord for picking up the pieces. That was a reminder that I am never strong enough to do it on my own, even when I think I got it all figured out. Without you I would be living in fear and hopelessness in this world of sin and doubt. I pray that you will give the same peace to those that read this who are worries, scared, or anxious about anything. I ask because you CAN lord, and I cannot!!!! I love you lord, in Jesus’s almighty name, AMEN.
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
- The Destiny of a Warrior (audacityandsupposition.com)
- Heart of a Warrior (barbaracroweauthor.wordpress.com)
- Read Psalm 91 (kickcancerbutt.wordpress.com)
- Sunday Sermon: The Ideal Hideout (jimkane.wordpress.com)
- Avoiding anxiety through prayer (disciplesofhope.wordpress.com)
- Fear won’t paralyze me (debbierevor.wordpress.com)
- Our Refuge (presencenow.be)